I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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