I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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