cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
