so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
