Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize