I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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