Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
