is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
