you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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