You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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