His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
