his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
