So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
