Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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