conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
