you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
