When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
