we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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