uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
