he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
