This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
