you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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