I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
