I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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