ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
