Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
