I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Randomize
