I wanna bring you to show and tell
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
