High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
