I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
