when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
