Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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