too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
