dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
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I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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