Don't make out with my wife yet
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
