No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
