i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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