Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
