I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
