Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you told grandpa to call you daddy
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
