I have demons in me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just want to make out with him forever
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
