Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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