Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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