How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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