My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
