There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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