Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
