i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
