There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
