I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
