either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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