somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
