I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
