my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
