If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
