When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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