I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.