Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.