Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town