Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.