I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.