one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept