i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is