second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
