I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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