I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
