Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
