I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
