Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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