Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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