the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
