It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
