He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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