I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
