he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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