I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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