Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize