Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
