if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize