you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
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I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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