so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
