i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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