dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
