I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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