how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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