You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
